Getting dumped

Probably one of the worst pain imaginable is when the man or woman
of your dreams tells you that they don’t want to see you anymore.
Few things in life hurt like this. Most people would rather take a
physical beating than face the pain of a breakup. At least they know
the physical beating will heal. Breakups? Sometimes it takes them
years to heal. And many people never get over the breakup.

By saying that you may never get over the breakup does not imply
that you are doomed to suffer for the rest of your life while pining
away for the person who broke your heart. No, you will move on. But
never again without that certain bit of fear that it could end at a
moment’s notice as we realize nothing in life is guaranteed.

It is often said the only true love we ever experience is our first love.
It is the only time we walk into a relationship totally innocent of the
pain of getting dumped and the only time we give our hearts so freely,
without fear. After that, we always put up a little bit of a guard.

In addition to the pain of getting dumped, there is also the humiliation
aspect. Most of us feel that when someone tells us they don’t want to
see us anymore, it is because of something that is wrong with us. We
are not good looking enough. We did something that offended them.
If only we did not say “x.” What can we do to change ourselves so
that he or she will come back?

If you learn nothing else from this blog, learn this: It’s not your fault.
Do not look at this as a personal rejection, as difficult as that can be.
Take a cue from “Seinfeld’s” George Costanza: It’s not you, it’s them.

Bad timing is the main reason for breakups. One person is simply not
ready for a serious relationship while the other is thinking of wedding
invitations. Relationships are like comedy - timing is everything.
When both people are in different points in their lives, the relationship
does not come to fruition.

While timing is the main reason for breakups, as well as the most
frustrating for those who get dumped (oh, why didn’t we meet at a
different time), other reasons why people break up are the following:

• Outside influences such as children and parents.
  They can’t get along with your parents or your children. Or your children hate them and throw eggs at their house. Yes, this will cause a breakup of a weak relationship. This is a blessing in disguise. Unless you plan on killing off your family members for this guy or gal, don’t cry too much over this breakup. Sadly enough, there are those people in history who actually have killed off family members and children to be with the man or woman of their dreams. Two recent examples are Diane Downs and Susan Smith.

• Ex girlfriends or boyfriends tugging at their heart.
  This really relates to timing, but prohibits people from moving ahead with their
  lives as they continue to waffle back and forth between the present
  and the past. The ex girlfriend or boyfriend keeps coming back into
  their lives and making it difficult for them to decide “what they
  want.”

• Too many cultural differences.
  It may be fun to date someone outside of the normal little pool of local fish, but it can be difficult to blend cultures, particularly as we get older.

• Someone grew and the other didn’t.
  Did someone recently change jobs? Get a promotion? Realize a dream? If this is the case, they may have simply outgrown the relationship and have gone on to a different plane.

• Physical distance.
  A long distance romance may seem romantic, but it can also take a toll on a relationship. One of the bonuses of being in a relationship is the prospect of being able to share
  something with your significant other in person. You get a raise at work and you want someone with whom you can celebrate. This is tough to do if he’s in California and you’re in Virginia.
  

• Fickleness.
  You lost your job, gained weight or began to experience health problems. Or they found someone better. Some people are just fickle. They’re really doing you a favor by breaking
  up with you as a relationship with someone like this is simply not worth your time.

While some of the above cause break-ups, most of it is all related to
timing. There have been books, plays and films written about star crossed lovers. Romeo and Juliet is probably one of the more famous. You are in good company, most of us, at one point in our life, have fallen in love with the right person at the wrong time.

When the breakup first happens, you feel as though you got punched
in the stomach. You experience both physical and emotional pain.
Unless your heart is made of stone, you will probably cry. You may
miss time off of work and school. You will not feel like “going on”
without the love of your life.

Sadly, many people actually take their own lives because of such a
scenario. Most of us who are older and wiser realize that there is no
man or woman on earth that is worthy of our suicide. Or of us being
so hurt that we end up bitter and angry over the rest of our lives.

Unless you want to end up like Miss Haversham, who was the angry,
bitter and twisted jilted bride in Charles Dickens’ “Great Expectations,”
you will want to bounce back from the breakup. This takes a little bit
of time and there are some definite dos and don’ts when it comes to
bouncing back after a breakup. Here you can learn how you can learn
to heal, laugh, live and love again.